Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
