Grow some girl-balls and come out already
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
