is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
