hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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