come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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