Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are the jesus of drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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