She said her name was "party"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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