I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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