So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize