it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
