would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
