So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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