you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
