We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
