Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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