I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
