why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize