I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
