do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
