dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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