Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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