Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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