Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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