The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
