guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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