Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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