I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
