he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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