I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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