I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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