My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
