took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
