I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
