I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
