No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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