he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
