Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
