I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
