I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
