My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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