I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
