Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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