I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
