it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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