I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize