During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
