I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
