no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
