i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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