I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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