Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
