i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
