Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize