Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
