i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
