so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
