My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
