Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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