Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
